Whenever I feel like drinking The End of History beer, which is basically  55% alcohol blond Belgian ale, I prefer drinking it from a dead animal. Unfortunately, the decomposing stink can have adverse affects on said ale. It’s a good thing some humans decided to package the ale inside taxidermied roadkill. Mmmmm….never tasted so good. You can get your drink on at BrewDog.

This is ridiculous.

It’s F-F-F-F-F-Finally here! I know you’ve been waiting years for it. The Max Headroom: The Complete Series is now available on DVD.
Max Headroom was a stuttering computer character from Britain who was portrayed by actor Matt Frewer. Max made numerous appearances throughout his reign, which included The Max Headroom Show, Commercials, MTV and even video games. The background story provided for the Max Headroom character presents a dystopic look at a run-down near-future dominated by television and large corporations. Ah, only could you find whacked out crap like this in the 80’s. Mac Tonight wishes he was this cool. Pick MMMMMMMMax up right here.

So I only  have one question. Where’s the BLU BLU BLU BLU BLU BLU-RAY?

You read that right, zombie meat. Leave it to the Japanese to chop up the living dead, package it and serve it humans.
When eating zombie pieces, one would wonder; does this make you a cannibal? I don’t know. But I do know that I want this. Apparently, these bits of zombie flesh taste similar to peppered beef jerky and I plan on ordering a couple of bags and setting them out on my coffee table in a candy bowl.

It would probably turn your feces blue….that is unless your feces is normally blue. In that case it would turn it back to the designated “normal” color. Obviously I’m thinking way too much into this…

Created as a concept car, the Citroën Karin was shown at the Paris Motor Show in 1980. The car and its unique shape was designed by Trevor Fiore.
The futuristic design is reminiscent of the DeLorean, but with the pyramid shape the Karin has, it is far superior. The angular design is very uncommon and the straight lines are also echoed throughout the interior. Designed as a 3 passenger car, the center-mounted steering wheel allows the driver to sit just behind the two passengers.
Fact is, this fine automobile is a thing of brilliance and I need one.

Possibly the most RANDOM movie I’ve ever seen!
*** This review may contain spoilers ***

In my never-ending quest for the ultimate in cinematic craptacularity (I made that word up, I own the copyright on it, don’t steal it) the title “Hard Rock Zombies” has come up many times as one of the films I supposedly “had to see to believe”. Luckily, I came across the film on a cheapie 3-film zombie compilation DVD at the local supermarket (!) for only a buck 99, so I happily took it home for a night’s viewing. 90 minutes later, I am still picking my jaw up out of my lap and wondering, “What the HELL have I just seen?” “Hard Rock Zombies” is quite possibly the most random movie I have ever seen. It’s primarily a horror comedy with a rock-n-roll edge, seemingly pasted together from bits and pieces of other films in no particular order. It’s basically a never ending series of “WTF?” moments that will either have you laughing hysterically (as I did) or throwing things at your TV.

Our so-called story: the members of a terrible, mulleted rock band are on their way to a small town in the middle of nowhere to meet up with a record company scout for a showcase gig. A spooky underage chick with bushy eyebrows warns the hunky lead singer “Jesse” not to go there because “They don’t want you.” The band of course ignores the warning, and along the way they pick up a hot blonde hitchhiker who suggests they crash at her place instead of the local hotel. Big mistake. Hot Blonde’s house is populated with the weirdest looking cast of characters this side of “Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” including a wheelchair-bound, switchblade packing Granny, a couple of twisted looking midgets, and an old guy who we soon find out is Hitler himself. (!!) Adolf’s been in hiding for all these years and has decided that this exact moment is the time to start the Fourth Reich. The creepy house inhabitants murder all four band members and bury them in shallow graves, fortunately they’re brought back to life by the bushy-eyebrowed groupie who plays one of their songs at their gravesite.

From there….well, chaos is the only word to describe the goings-on. The re-animated band members (who now look like KISS and walk like robots) kill the Nazis, who unfortunately become zombies themselves (whoops) and overrun the town. The band’s (still living) manager somehow manages to convince them to play their showcase concert anyway (even though they’re dead), and all the zombies show up and rock out. Then the band leads the zombies Pied-Piper style to a hidden mountain cave outside of town, where they are dispatched by a hidden stash of Hitler’s mustard gas. Seriously. I’m not making this story up folks.

If you can stand the absolutely ludicrous storyline, “Hard Rock Zombies” is a hell of a lot of fun to watch (and make fun of). IMDb sez the movie started out as a short film intended to be a movie within another movie before being padded out to feature length, which explains the interminably long rock concert sequence, as well as a couple of hilariously bad MTV video-style musical montages of zombie munchin’ and hot girl dancin’ amidst all of the mayhem. The acting is laughable, the gore effects are cheap, and a lot of jokes fall flat, but at least there is some nice female eye candy (nice nod to the shower scene in “Psycho” as well, by the way) to balance it all out. Lovers of good ol’ fashioned sleazy grindhouse stuff will have a ball with this one.

“Hard Rock Zombies” is a totally ridiculous mix of blood, boobs and bad music that is so grimy it will leave a film on your teeth. I had a blast, but by the same token I never want to see it again. You’re either going to love it or hate it, but you HAVE to see this movie at least once before you die. Trust me..

Brought to you by Keith Abt, the Dollar DVD Guy. He suffers through these movies so YOU don’t have to!

3 Headstones out of 5

It’s not Halloween yet, but let’s talk about zombies anyway. Enjoy these sweet zombie costumes.
Check out the rest of the undead at artsyspot.com

Headstone City has spring fever and we’ve reduced the prices on all horror t-shirts. Shirts can now be purchased at a splat-tastic $15.99.

Check out this replica Fight Club Soap bar that can actually be used to clean your filthy body! No, it’s not made from women’s fat stolen from a liposuction clinic. It’s made the real way real soap is made – from animal fat, not human fat….

Clean those fighting wounds and pick up some soap at Kropserkel.

Burger King has selected some famous horror icons to help promote their food. And why not? Whenever I think of fast food I think of horror movies. Actually, regardless of what I think of, it somehow involves horror movies. Score 1 for Burger King.
So let’s hope they continue this tradition and include horror fiends in their future advertising. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for an ad of Seth Brundle vomiting digestive enzymes on a Whopper in order to dissolve it.