So you ask: “Dr. Death-Threads, what is the criteria for a Top 10 Funniest Horror Movies list? Well, my little patients, it has to be found in the horror section and have good laughs. That’s about it. For example, Ghostbusters and Beetlejuice are first and foremost comedies, not horror…so they wouldn’t work. Get the point? Good. By the way these reviews may contain spoilers. You have been warned. Ok, on with the list. 

The Monster Squad (1987)

In 1987 writer/director Fred Dekker made an original but underrated film that has since reached cult status. A nice mix of comedy and monsters creates many different scenarios. A great scene in the beginning is when Rudy sticks up for Fat Kid and makes the bully eat the candy bar the bully previously stepped on. It’s pretty funny when you see an eighth grader dressed like a greaser and lighting a match from the sole of his shoe. When the kids are first introduced to Frankenstein, they all take off at first sight. The little girl tells them all “Don’t be chicken shit!” That’s great home-schooling right there. After realizing Franky is trustworthy, Sean gives him a friendly jab. In turn, Franky basically puts all his weight into Sean and lays him out on the ground. You can’t forget Frankenstein’s reaction to seeing a half-naked girl for the first time in 100 plus years. Another funny scene is when Eugene insists there is a monster in his closet. Of course his father doesn’t believe him and shows him, albeit without looking himself. But there is in fact a 4,000-year-old mummy standing in his closet. I especially love the classic 80’s montage where everyone is getting ready for the big monster showdown. Crafting wooden stakes, casting silver bullets, letters to the army and even Monster Squad business cards are included in this memorable juxtaposition. I only wish that when I was in high school, I had a t-shirt that read “Stephen King Rules”.
Memorable Quote: “Wolfman’s got nards!” 

Gremlins (1984) 

Before anyone starts bitching that this Spielbergian family film isn’t horror, let me remind you about a 75-year-old woman on a motorized stair chair moving about 30 mph, getting fired out a window. That’s pretty hardcore. This Joe Dante classic is full of inspiration and style from sci-fi/horror classics from the 50’s and 60’s. Added to the mix is a large helping hand of Looney Tune goofiness only Dante can provide. The movie starts out pretty normal but when we see Corey Feldman dressed up as a Christmas tree, you’re definitely in for a treat. Once the Gremlins make their appearance the true horror begins. When pulling nasty pranks, the Gremlins can only laugh and applaud one another. When bulldozing a house, trashing a bar or cutting the brake line on a cop car their laughter can only be addictive. Throw in the ongoing inventions that Mr. Peltzer makes and you’ve got a family film with plenty of comedy and monster mischief. I don’t know about you, but I’d kill for a Bathroom Buddy.
Memorable Quote: “Rand Peltzer, Fantastic ideas for a Fantastic World, I make the illogical logical.” 

Re-Animator (1985)

This Lovecraftian tale from director Stuart Gordon gave us the wonderful Herbert West. With a very generous amount of gore, the comedy usually revolves around West and his hijinx. Herbert West is such a selfish asshole about everything.  His clever dialogue always puts the other characters in their places. When the students are at the brain lecture, West snaps his pencil and really gets under the doctor’s skin. The doctor’s reaction is priceless and he suggests that West get himself a pen. I can’t help but laugh when West has turned the cat into a zombie. Dan thinks the cat is dead but West yells “Look Out!” and begins to laugh, devilishly. His evil sense of humor is priceless. Another good laugh is when the decapitated/reanimated Dr. Hill uses the fake head to get past the guard and into the morgue. The guard is too engrossed in his porn mag to even notice a headless guy. There is some great editing when Dan is kissing Meg and she’s laughing and saying “no” and the camera cuts to them in bed and Meg enjoying sex. At the end, West asks Dr. Hill who’s going to believe a talking head? And then tells him to get a job at a sideshow. After all is said and done, how often do you get to see a decapitated head go down on a girl?
Memorable Quote: “Don’t expect it to tango, it has a broken back” 

Planet Terror (2007)

The only good thing that came out of the Grindhouse double feature was Robert Rodriguez’s throwback to exploitation films of the 70’s. Just a fun film all around, Rodriguez has as many laughs as he does frights in this gore fest. The two bickering brothers are at each other’s throats throughout the film until the very end – all over a stupid recipe. When Fahey’s dog gets smashed on the highway it’s as ludicrous as it is ridiculous. The scenes in the hospital also have some good laughs. The two doctors explaining to a patient, why they need to amputate a body part is quite amusing. How Rodriguez thought up a character with a machine gun leg is beyond me, but she has plenty of bizarre moments. Prior to the gun, she uses a wooden table leg, which comes in handy to help sort out a “predicament”. Side Note: The faux trailers are worth a watch and are also just as funny.
Memorable Quote: “Would you stop crying over fucking spilt milk?” “I have no leg!” 

The Return of the Living Dead (1985) 

Writer/director Dan O’Bannon, writer of Alien fame, presents us with a film with plenty of frights, great special effects and comical circumstances. O’Bannon quickly introduces us to a couple of bozos who accidentally release a zombie and it’s toxic nerve gas at a medical supply company. These two men are oblivious jerks. I love how Frank says the canister won’t break because it’s made by “The U.S. Army, Corps of Engineers”. He smacks it and it breaks and begins to leak. Enter the owner of the medical company and this trio goes back and forth with topping one another on the dumb-ass chart. These three clowns constantly complain about the situation they’re involved in. During a time when horror was full of no-nonsense, O’Bannon went the opposite direction and made it outlandish and zany. How can you not laugh when a split dog gets hit with a crutch and lets out a little yelp? They even have a naked female zombie who wants to eat brains to cure the pain of being dead.
Memorable Quote: “You just can’t burn animals alive. It’s just too hideous. At least let me kill them first.” 

An American Werewolf in London (1981)

John Landis’ quintessential werewolf flick is full of guts, gore and decapitations. But most people forget how freakin’ hilarious the film is. When David has his first painful transformation, “Blue Moon” gives the scene levity unmatched in most films. The smiling Mickey Mouse is an exclamation point to this wacky scene. A really great prank Landis pulls on the audience is when David dreams about his family being gunned-down by monsters. David then wakes up to see the nurse open the curtain and stabbed by said monster, only to wake up a third time and see the orderly open the curtain. At this point we realize it was all a dream and can laugh at the absurdity of the scene. Well played, Mr. Landis, well played. Even when a group of corpses are watching a porn film, you know you’re viewing something special. The Piccadilly Circus finale is stacked with absurdity as person after person is thrown from car windows, flattened and squished by vehicles, launched into shops and even have their heads ripped off by the werewolf.
Memorable Quote: “I didn’t mean to call you a meatloaf, Jack” 

Dead Alive (1992)

You know that after the fan boys finished watching the LOTR trilogy they ran off to see what Peter Jackson had done prior to helming the Tolkien series. God only knows what they thought when they were subjected to so much blood shed. Hopefully the hysterically bizarre mood of Dead Alive helped to ease the pain. During lunch, Lionel’s zombified mum ends up squeezing ooze from her wounded arm into the Gent’s custard. He dips in for a giant spoon full and gladly expresses his fondness of the custard with “rich and creamy, just the way I like it.” People are constantly being bit by the zombies and turning into zombies themselves. Instead of doing the logical, Lionel just hides them in his basement. He also cares for them and feeds them, oddly enough, they don’t try to eat him; they’d rather have sex with one another. The graveyard scene with the “Bruce Lee” priest is brilliantly original. Throughout the film, it’s obvious Jackson had a ball with this one. With extra money left over from filming, the baby scene in the park was shot. The maniacal laugh of the baby as it ricochets down the hill is crazed from beginning to end. The baby is as comical as it is disturbing.
Memorable Quote: “Christ, what a stink!” “Yeah, dog must’ve crawled under the house and died.”

  

American Psycho (2000)

This Mary Harron satire, about a psychopathic investment banker, is stacked to the ceiling with bloodshed and priceless black humor. During scenes of carnage and massacre, Patrick Bateman’s (Bale) witty dialogue gives the film a laughable honesty most films wouldn’t even attempt. I especially love Bateman’s reactions to the opinions of his coworkers when they are comparing business cards. He becomes so agitated over the cards, even though they are almost identical to one another. Between Bateman’s music reviews (before he murders someone) and everyone’s obsession with Dorsia the film never quits. When he needs an excuse to leave a situation he claims he’s going to return some videotapes. The scenes with Willem Dafoe are also humorous. When they first meet, Bateman asks if he’s being cross-examined. The detective (Dafoe) asks if he feels that he is and Batmen replies “no.” Then why ask?? Also, I don’t know about you, but I always work out to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The pinnacle of this film is a naked Bateman chasing a hooker and killing her with a chainsaw in his apartment. Oh, and he’s still wearing his tennis shoes.
Memorable Quote: “Sabrina, don’t just stare at it. Eat it.” 

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

As far as zombie comedies go, this has got to be the best. This English film from the brilliant duo of Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright isn’t as “dry” as one might think. More or less taking Romero’s “zombie template”, this aforementioned comedy team added plenty of ludicrous adventures for one to bust a gut. When Shaun and Ed first find the zombies in their backyard they try to kill them using household items including Shaun’s record collection. The film is filled with big laughs but the subtleties make it special. For example, when Shaun enters the quickie mart for a drink, he slips on a pool of blood and doesn’t even notice. Even when he’s walking back to his flat there are corpses, zombies and all sorts of destruction around him, but he’s clueless about it all. It takes Shaun and Ed a fair amount of time to even realize that something is wrong with everyone. I also like the fact that even before the first zombie is shown, normal people on the bus, in the stores, working, etc. all act like zombies. Another great scene is when Shaun and Ed are devising a plan to pick up Shaun’s Mum and Elizabeth. Some quick editing and clever shots create a fun sequence. You can’t forget the point in the film when Shaun’s posse is on it’s way to the pub and they bump into each characters counterpart.
Memorable Quote: “The Batman soundtrack.” “Throw it.” 

Army of Darkness (1992)

At number 1, we have a movie that needs no introduction. Sam Raimi let the laughs fly in this final installment to his Evil Dead series. This film is stacked with so much sidesplitting bedlam; it’s difficult to only mention a few instances. Usually in a horror movie when monsters attack the main character, he/she is too scared to fight back. This isn’t the case with Bruce Campbell’s character. Ash becomes angrier the more he is attacked. His sarcasm is also at an all time high and he’s a complete prick to everyone. From his speech about his boomstick to his ungratefulness for his “horse blanket”, Ash is the ultimate wise-ass. But we love him for it. Even the camera work is hysterical. For example, when Ash gets his metal hand made, every shot constantly zooms into a specific object. The longer the scene goes, the funnier it gets. When Ash is pushed into the pit with the she-beast all the continuity is thrown out the window. The spiked walls should have closed in on him days ago! He then uses his belt like an Indiana Jones whip and manages to escape. After surviving the monster pit, Ash finally takes control of the situation and has the women feeding him grapes, meat and wine. He even tells one of them “First you wanted to kill me, now you want to kiss me….blow.” The film is absolute slapstick and you can see where The Three Stooges influenced Raimi’s sense of humor.
Memorable Quote: “You ain’t leading but 2 things right now, Jack and Shit. And Jack left town.” 

 

Feel free to post any comments. Until next time, you’ll have to excuse me; I have to return some videotapes. 

 

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